- In Tony Franklin’s America, we enjoy freedom as Americans. Our forefathers fought for our right to be able to speak freely.
- In Tony Franklin’s America, we eat nails and spit bullets as Osama and his gang quiver like sissy men in their caves. Why must we do it? In the TF America, we answer that by asking who else has the balls to do so?
- In Tony Franklin’s America, we mock other coaches for their rough edges and ability to rub people the wrong way, even though we appear to be guilty of it ourselves*. We are Americans after all.
- In Tony Franklin’s America, we send our fans to brag about our ability to score against the likes of Oklahoma State and Georgia, even though a Mike Shula playbook scored 31 points and we lost thanks to costly turnovers.
- In Tony Franklin’s America, we recruit the best, while the rest run away in fear**.
- And finally…. in Tony Franklin’s America, we bring a dynamic style that will revolutionize the world. For $275, you can too.
*See Kentucky tenure and “Fourth Down and Life To Go”
**Rest may actually include arrogant, over the top “All-American” babies.
This post is in fact a poor attempt at satire, but I have things to do and so little time to do it in.