What Will I Do?!

After years days of speculation, Brett Favre is finally put down forced into retirement. Alone and dejected, John Madden prepares to deliver his speech at……… whatever party the NFL will throw for #4.

Madden: It’s ok, It’s ok, It’s ok……….. IT IS NOT OK! Oh gosh……… what I am gonna do with myself? Brett was the reason I made myself get up every morning. Heck, he was the reason I signed that friggin’ contract with NBC. I can’t take having to share dinner with Al Michaels every season! All he does is inject botox and scream “Do you believe in miracles!?” NO I DON’T MIKE, BECAUSE THE BEST TORSO IN FOOTBALL IS NO MORE!? *sobs*

*knock knock* Mr. Madden, you have 15 minutes until your speech.

Madden: *clears throat* Yeah….. thanks Billy. *looks at the phone* ………. no, don’t do this to yourself John. You told yourself you wouldn’t call after that “accidental” run in at the grocery store…… *dials number*

RING RING!

Aaron Rodgers: Hello?

Madden: Break a knee! Break a knee!

Aaron Rodgers: WHY WON’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?! I CANNOT TAKE YOU TRYING TO CURSE ME! *slams down the phone*

Madden: Aw crap, that’s probably another 50 yards in court.

Suddenly, a knock at the door

The Ghost of Football Future: Hello, John….

Madden: Wha…. what’s going on here?

TGFF: I’m here to show you something that will change your life. Meet Tim Tebow…

Madden: Why is he holding a scalpel?

TGFF: Because he’s going to circumcise opposing defenses, John.

Madden: Oh. My. Gosh. He’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! *tosses Favre shrine into the garbage* You need to stick with me Tim…. you and I are going places.

Tebow: I like saving Hispanic children.

Madden: Yeah, well I like watching football players grow old by never missing a game. Want some taffy?

Tebow: TAFFY! *chews*

Later that day

Madden: DO NOT WORRY NFL FANS, FOR I BRING YOU….. THE TEBOW! YOU SHALL WORSHIP HIS WRECK LESS ABANDON FOR HIS OWN BODY, FOR HE IS OUR GOLDEN CHILD! HIS PRESENCE ALONE BRINGS TEARS OF JOY TO THESE OLD AND TIRED EYES!

Tebow: I like Hispanic kids and taffy!!

Madden: NOW GO FORTH AND SPREAD THE NEWS!

One Response to “What Will I Do?!”

  1. tmc1 Says:

    good stuff!
    keep it coming!!!


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