A Collect Call

*Ring! Ring!*
mike_gottfried.jpg Mike G: Hello?

Operator: Yes Sir, I have a collect call from “Mark Gottfried” for “Uncle Mikey!”

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: *sigh* I’ll accept the charge Operator


markg.jpg Mark G: Hey! Thanks for picking up Uncle Mike!

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: How’d you get this number? It’s not listed for a reason, Mark.

markg.jpg Mark: Oh come on Uncle Mike. You know dad can’t keep secrets forever.

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Dang that Joe Gottfried. *shakes fist in a mild rage* So I hear you were stalking some blogger.

markg.jpg Mark: Oh that? Don’t worry about that. I just do that to keep the fan base in tact long enough for me to grab the Indiana job once they get desperate.

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: You wish

markg.jpg Mark: Ok…… Cleveland State

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Mark, why don’t you just tell me why you called. Corso’s coming soon and he wants me to get a spray on tan before our trip.

markg.jpg Mark: Well…. things are rough around here in Tuscaloosa. I’m in my 10th year on the job, yet I’ve only had 3 winning seasons in conference play and am sitting near .500 against SEC opponents. Half the town either wants me gone, or hates me, but is too cheap to fire me. What should I do?

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Well…. there are only one or two things you can do at this point. First, you have to start coaching in ways you’ve never done before. I’m talking about using every single second of a game to communicate with your players, work harder at breaking down film, allowing your assistants to grow with you, and so forth.

markg.jpg Mark: A bit unconventional, but it’s worth a shot.

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Son, you’re denser than Mercury sometimes.

markg.jpg Mark: I’m not sure I follow.

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: You never have. But secondly, you need to let go of an assistant or two. Promoting Kobe Baker was not the smartest decision Mark, and you know it. Oh, and you need to make sure everyone around your program knows that one injured player hurts, but it isn’t the end of the world. That Steele fella was out of action over the summer, so you certainly had plenty of time to work around it.

markg.jpg Mark: Ok, coach better, and fire Kobe. Thanks Uncle Mike!

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Wait Mark, don’t forget about the injury talk….


mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: Dang that boy.

Lee Corso: Hey Mike! It’s time to leave for our road trip. We’re touring the spring games, remember?! Oh, and I picked up a hitchhiker along the way. Hope that’s ok with you.

Chigurh: Got enough room for my air tank?

mike_gottfried.jpg Mike: This will not end well.


3 Responses to “A Collect Call”

  1. Joel Says:


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