Can you feel it? Pulsating, like a chihuahua hyped up on crack-cocaine. It is time for…… THE IRON BOWL, A.K.A. SUCKFEST 2007!!
Two Saturdays from now! Two Saturdays from now! Two Saturdays from now! Come see two 7-4 team flail around on the football field. Will it entertain you? Hardly! Will it have an effect on the national football landscape? Not at all! Will it cause cerebral hemorrhages across the state? YOU BET IT WILL!!!
It feels like a party on my brain!!!
Brandon Cox will turn the ball over. John Parker Wilson will turn the ball over. Muschamp will curse. Applewhite will continue to blush, and there is nothing you can do about it!! But hey, somebody will eventually have to win this thing!
Both Tommy Tuberville and Nick Saban will be there, screaming at two teams that will either look like gold…. or pyrite. It will be an event for the ages!!!! President Bush is already making it a national holiday based totally on sheer lack of awesomeness!
Come for the defense, stay for the bloodletting on offense. Make no mistake about it, there will be thrills, chills, and whatever else is normally mentioned to hype up rivalry games. I promise you it will rock your face off. Why trust me? I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are! Just tune in to see the mediocrity!
In all honesty, there will always be something important about this game. It’s the drive for 6 for one, and the drive to nix the six for the other. Storylines will always dominate this rivalry, even if the records aren’t nearly as good. What happens here affects the directions of both programs. Still, that lovely 14-8 combined record has you wanting more, right?
Okay. Its your team against my team. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.