I am putting together a little biological warfare scheme for the Alabama game, and I need everyone to help spread the word!
Here’s the deal: Get as many people as possible who are going to Tuscaloosa for the LSU/ Bama game this weekend to buy packets of purple and yellow wildflower seeds… ALOT of them! The strategy is for everyone to mix the seeds together and, once they are within 5 miles of Tuscaloosa on the interstate, get as close to the neutral ground as possible and throw the seeds out of their driver-side car window. The goal is that by the time spring rolls around (or whenever they will grow), Dick Saban will be forced to drive to work every single day through an ENTIRE FIELD of purple and gold REGRET-ME-NOTS! Causing him to painfully reflect on the aBAMAnation of a mistake he’s made by leaving LSU.
I’ve done some research, and this is totally possible (in fact, they already encourage this in some states to beautify the roadways). The best wildflowers in terms of height, chance of growing, surviving, spreading quickly/densely, and having the most effective color are as follows:
Yellow: Bird’s Foot Treefoil; Yellow Coreopsis
Purple: Purple Verbena
Now go to your local seed store, Home Depot, Horticulture Department (if anyone could tap this source it would be HUGE!), or wherever, and buy as many seeds as you can! There is quite a variety of yellow wildflowers and a few different kinds of purple wildflowers… so if you can’t find the specific types mentioned above, just grab whatever you can get that is purple and yellow! Just be careful with using dark purple and orange… we don’t want this looking like an Auburn prank.
So now you know, and you have NO EXCUSE to not participate, or at least make your friends participate if you are not going. The instructions are simple:
1. Buy as many purple and yellow wildflower seeds as possible (an equal amount of each).
2. Drive to Bama.
3. When you’re within 5 miles of TuscaLoser, chunk the seeds in the neutral ground!
* Remember – fire your jihadist jumble of germinating jellybeans AT RANDOM within the 5 miles of Tuscaloosa on the interstate… NOT the exact 5 mile mark. We want to cover as much ground as possible. Dispursing them with a steady series of tosses would actually be much better than throwing them all at once.
Easy enough, right? The tough part is getting EVERYONE in on this, so spread the word! Send out e-mails about it! Post it on chat forums! If you work for a news publication (and I know alot of you do), USE IT! Every single person invited to this group knows AT LEAST 2 people going to Bama this weekend… so there’s no excuse! Can you imagine the look on Saban’s poo-eating face, and the faces of all those unwarranted football snobs at Bama, when suddenly their entire interstate is purple and gold!!!!! Priceless… absolutely PRICELESS.
If we pull this off, it will be one of those things that will be talked about for years – the kind of thing that you’ll see on magazine covers, further setting LSU fans apart from the rest because, YES – we are willing to go THIS far.
Every little bit counts, so spread the word… and the SEED!
P.S. Don’t go telling your fruitcake Bama “friends” about this… we want it to be a TOTAL surprise!
Oh No!!!! What will we do with pretty flowers making our highways much more visually pleasing?! Why can’t President Bush stop the spreading of flowers!? WE MUST STOP THIS!!!! I know, we’ll give them a little taste of their own medicine next year! Baton Rouge could use a little sprucing up.
As a life long Tuscaloosa resident, I must say that their plan will probably fail since Saban doesn’t live near any interstate exit.
Wonder what they’ll look like? Here’s a look: