Bush Spares Saban From Media Hatred

President Bush has spared Current Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban from eternal hatred from the national sports media, delivering a thunderbolt in the highly charged coaching change scandal. Bush said the sentence was just too harsh. This marks the first commute ever granted to a college football coach.

Bush’s move came just seven months after Saban’s move to Alabama from Miami. A panel from the Miami Herald ruled that Saban could not avoid criticism after his proclamation of, “I will not be the Alabama coach.” his punishment included a lifetime hatred from all media outlets, constant over the top reactions to every single one of his mishaps, the return of every Dolphins straw hat in his possession, and an apology to every Dolphin player that was bullied into tears.

“I respect the freedom of the press,” Bush said in a statement. “But I have concluded that the hellacious sentence given to Coach Saban is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Coach Saban’s sentence that required him to suffer an eternity of media hatred.”

Miami Herald sports columnist Dan LeBetard disputed the president’s assertion that the terms were excessive. “It is fundamental to the rules of national journalism that every mean coach stands before the bar of justice to face our retaliations,” said the columnist, “how dare Bush expect us to get over what happened half a year ago. Doesn’t he understand what we have to do in order to sell newspapers in South Beach?”

Saban will still have to return the hats and make the apologies. The mishaps ruling is still under further review. But, the worst of the sentence will be avoided since certain media members can no longer openly hate Nick Saban for what he did in the immediate past.

Members of the media must be careful when they criticize Saban. While he is not above the rules of acceptable journalistic opinion writing and analysis, writers must now focus on his current job at hand in order to actually pass judgment on him. Only the future is relevant now.

Saban’s supporters celebrated the president’s decision.

“President Bush did the right thing today in commuting the terms of punishment for Nick Saban,” said Alabama Athletics Director Mal Moore.

“That’s fantastic. It’s a great relief,” said University of Alabama President Robert Witt, who helped raise millions for Saban’s salary and all together fun money fund. “Coach Saban did not deserve to go through a lifetime of hatred. I’m glad the president had the courage to do this.” Witt was soon interrupted by his actual job.

Nick Saban was not available for comment. Saban will not be meeting President Bush for dinner either.


Coach Saban is seen here applauding himself


10 Responses to “Bush Spares Saban From Media Hatred”

  1. WesCrimson Says:

    This is a true story, right?

  2. tidedruid Says:

    Just pretend that Saban’s name is Scooter πŸ˜‰

  3. tidedruid Says:

    even though I’m not trying to make Nick Saban out to be a Scooter Libby lol.

  4. WesCrimson Says:

    Exactly as I thought.

  5. WesCrimson Says:

    Whoops! Forgot somrthing. πŸ™‚

  6. Sports Leader » Blog Archive » Tuesday Links & Randomness (Roll 'Bama Roll) Says:

    […] Druid has breaking news of a presidential pardon of our own Nick […]

  7. WesCrimson Says:

    It is what it is. πŸ™‚

  8. goddessmomo Says:

    I have a suggestion, I am just scrolling around trying to find a cool page to read and I am getting very frusterated that I can find nothing at all that is good. So here is my suggestion, post about some exciting kid stuff too so more people will come on your blog and make it more popular. Try Blogging about this site http://www.clubpenguin.com or this site http://www.nick.com or this one http://www.cartoonnetwork.com or evn http://www.nickjr.com if you’re that desperate.
    Hope you blog gets cooler,

  9. tidedruid Says:

    This is an Alabama sports blog, with a mix of current events. Posting about penguins and cartoons just isn’t something I’m interested in.

  10. WesCrimson Says:

    Well I guess after those four sites anything would be a letdown. πŸ˜‰

    If those four sites don’t fully satisfy you, it is difficult to imagine what would. Evidently not much is cool, since godessmomo only has two sites listed on her links of cool web sites so far at :


    And of course TD didn’t make the list. Ah shucks! Maybe after another month without football. πŸ™‚

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